Healing Combat Trauma

Young Veteran Suicide Honored

Military.com has a story today about an AMVETS post in Minnesota being named in honor of a young combat veteran who took his own life.  As extremely tragic as the needless death of Army Specialist Noah C. Pierce was, at the oh so young age of 23, the "good" that comes from this event -- the naming of the AMVETS post -- is that it succeeds in taking some of the cultural sting out of this topic, and expands the reach of the concept we so need to hear as a nation, that not every combat-related death ends on the battlefield.  Many stretch past that into civilian life, as vets attempt to integrate and recover from what they've seen, done and experienced.  And their deaths should be no less honored by their communities and their country.

Editor's Note: ABC affiliate WDIO has a good article on Noah Pierce's mom's efforts to get his story out there.  Click here for that link.

What They Found in the Wastebasket

The McClatchy newspapers continue their great series about whether and how the VA system is serving, or under-serving, returning combat veterans with PTSD.

In their recent story, "Suicide Shocks Montana into Assessing Veteran's Care," which by the way is an excellent fact-filled article, there is this troubling mention about what Chris Dana's dad found in his wastebasket, after Chris shot himself last March.  Let's let the McClatchy papers tell the story:

HELENA, Mont. — Chris Dana came home from the war in Iraq in 2005 and slipped into a mental abyss so quietly that neither his family nor the Montana Army National Guard noticed.He returned to his former life: a job at a Target store, nights in a trailer across the road from his father's house. When he started to isolate himself, missing family events and football games, his father urged him to get counseling. When the National Guard called his father to say that he'd missed weekend duty, Gary Dana pushed his son to get in touch with his unit. "I can't go back. I can't do it," Chris Dana responded.

Things went downhill from there. He blew though all his money, and last March 4, he shot himself in the head with a .22-caliber rifle. He was 23 years old.

As Gary Dana was collecting his dead son's belongings, he found a letter indicating that the National Guard was discharging his son under what are known as other-than-honorable conditions. The move was due to his skipping drills, which his family said was brought on by the mental strain of his service in Iraq.

The letter was in the trash, near a Wal-Mart receipt for .22-caliber rifle shells.

All across America, veterans such as Chris Dana are slipping through the cracks, left to languish by their military units and the Department of Veterans Affairs.

It's implied, but not stated, that Chris Dana might have been driven to suicide by the one-two punch of PTSD and then being discarded by his own unit as unfit to serve (and therefore to collect benefits).  The timing is certainly...troubling.  It's a heartbreaking story, and it wouldn't be surprising if it is, in many ways, being played out all across America, as returning veterans struggle with their own private demons -- grief and loss and trauma, from combat -- and find a system that not only doesn't embrace them, but makes it difficult for them to find the care they desperately need, when they need it.  In Chris Dana's case, the system created more difficulties for him -- not helped him deal with the difficulties he already had.

---

I've read a lot of stories by now about young veterans killing themselves, and my sympathies are really with them.  Not instead of the veterans who, battling their own demons as well, end up harming others, sometimes but not always before harming themselves.   One common thread to the stories where young vets take their lives is they often are aware that they have a problem, but the timing is bad about getting help.  They, and their families, are often aware that something is wrong -- Johnny went off to war but didn't come back the same sweet, fun-loving guy who left -- but the drag is, they can't get in to get seen in enough time by competent mental health professionals.  There's often an unconscionable wait to be seen at the VA.  And of course they're often also pretty well-mired in the not-exactly-advantageous experience of self-medication with drugs or more commonly, alcohol -- to keep the demons at bay.

So they don't get seen in time enough, even though everyone knows something's desperately wrong, and the next thing you know, they're dead, and they're leaving families who are quite shell-shocked themselves by the double horror of having their child come home from war a substantially different person, and having them take their own lives, often in the family home.  There's such a list by now, of callow young men, deep in a struggle with combat trauma, not getting the timely help they need, and dying by their own hands, leaving anguished families in their wake.  Joshua Omvig, Jason Cooper, Jeff Lucey, Noah Pierce, Chris Dana, the list literally rolls on...120 a week.

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It's becoming apparent that PTSD is, in many ways -- except for the possibility of windfall payout -- a real lottery.  It's a lottery whether you'll get it -- not everyone who goes to or through combat, does.  It's a lottery when it will  happen -- it often shows up a delayed interval after combat, not immediately (immediately would be more convenient for everyone).  (In fact, it can show up many years -- as in, decades -- later.  That's why you see Vietnam-era vets finally realizing they have it, as they reprocess their own trauma in sync with veterans coming back from Afghanistan and Iraq.)

There are a few more lotteries, though.  It's a lottery whether the VA will know how to treat you -- you'd be unhappily surprised if you saw the searches various VAs do on this very blog.  Doesn't exactly inspire confidence that they know the direction to go in; seems quite a bit more like they're clutching at straws.  It's also going to be a lottery whether you'll get evaluated in a competent way, and ascribed the correct percentage of disability.  News reports lately, particularly from the McClatchy Newspaper chain, which did its own independent research, show that VAs vary widely from state to state in terms of how they confirm or compensate PTSD in their centers.  (We blogged about it, here.)  It's also a lottery whether the military will even see your case of PTSD for what it is; because it might create behavior problems that they start to see as failures in discipline, and demote or discharge you because of it (as they did in Chris Dana's case), and then you really won't be in a position to pay for your own care.  And of course, it's really a lottery to see if your family, community, job, and social network will embrace you, accept you, or reject you. (It won't have much to do with your own worth; more to do with them, but no matter.  It'll still hurt.)  Then there's the lottery of whether you'll be able to afford to live on the meager proceeds of your disability pay, should you be "lucky enough" (there's the lottery concept again) to receive any.  And the true, ultimate lottery of whether you'll end up becoming homeless -- a good one quarter of homeless males in America now, and the figure stands to go much higher, has been show to be veterans, many of whom have PTSD.

And of course there are also the lotteries of whether you'll become addicted to drugs and alcohol, in your quest to cope with the pain and self-medicate, either while you're waiting around for the VA to see you and/or take your case seriously, or, just because it's a socially-acceptable option that's within easy reach, and in some ways more instantly accessible than dealing with the ups and downs and unknowns of medications offered.

The only problem with all these lotteries? (and they are gambles, after all...)   No positive payout.

I'm beginning to think, as I read story after story in the press of hapless veterans colliding with a system that doesn't care, and harming themselves or others, or just plain checking out, when they've reached the wall and can't find, or get, help for their suffering -- that the only "lottery" I know that resembles this is a very famous one indeed.  "Survival of the fittest," a phrase that came to prominence with Charles Darwin, and the concept of natural selection.  Only the very strongest can survive: the sick, the weak, the ailing, all fall behind and get taken out.  Combat trauma -- a very natural reaction to very unnatural events -- weakens those it affects.  And the system, such as it is, exemplified by the VA -- doesn't really stand ready to help in any pro-active, instantaneous, constructively helpful way.  Not to mention, it's almost impossible for those traumatized to simultaneously also aggressively advocate for their own care.  So the veterans who are struggling with trauma are weakened, and the system picks them off, one at a time -- by attrition, if not by outright neglect.  I think that's why you see some Vietnam-era veterans jumping in to do what they can to help young vets just coming back.  They literally don't want to see today's crop of veterans have to struggle as long or as hard as they've had to for the care that they need. I applaud the heart behind those vets' efforts, but at the same time I'm discouraged that, if PTSD is a lottery, we can't have a care system based on natural selection -- where only the strongest can survive its delays and haphazard care.

NOTE: Callow -- it's not an insult, it's a description.  It means, lacking adult maturity or experience.  Which sometimes allows you to put into perspective that whatever you're going through is not worth killing yourself over.  Sometimes, but not always.

Don't Make it a Blue Christmas - Veterans, Depression, Suicide and the Holidays

There is a dominant impression that many of us have that suicide somehow spikes at the winter holidays.  Fortunately this turns out to be just a myth -- though there is an increase in suicide after the holidays -- perhaps in part because of the general letdown after a period of increased stress, combined with frequently crummy weather and potentially mounting financial pressure from holiday overspending.  Even if suicide didn't peak anywhere near this time of year, it's still worth looking at what can be done to help people feeling the pressure and stress of the holiday season.  Combat veterans (and their families) face special stresses at holiday times, including increased time with family and friends, often increased exposure to alcohol and drugs, and the special pangs of realizing loved ones -- combat buddies -- are no longer with them or able to celebrate the holidays with their own families (survivor's guilt).

Fortunately there are some decent resources out there for lending a hand.  First off, the generic but helpful ones; secondly, the more veteran-specific ones.

Good, generic advice:

• "Ten Tips for Coping with Holiday Stress" 
• "How to Remain Sober and Healthy During the Holiday Season"
• "Dealing with Grief in the Holiday Season"

An excellent one on "Coping with a Family Member's PTSD During the Holidays;" and

Veteran-specific advice:

• Article by a Vietnam-era vet, who tried to kill himself on his first Thanksgiving back after combat.  He's got a very interesting point of view in this article.  One of the things he says is that since he arrived in Vietnam first on Christmas morning, it was hard for him for years afterward to ever have a good Christmas.  He covers all the big topics from his point of view, including anger, flashbacks/hallucinations, fear, dread, hyper-vigilance, anxiety, intimacy issues, drug and alcohol abuse, avoidance/immersion, sleep disorders, guilt, memory loss/cognitive dysfunction, intrusive thoughts, and depression.  Pretty good stuff, and he definitely can relate.  He also talks about "anniversary reactions," which is another important topic in the discussion of veterans and combat trauma.
• Patience Mason's wonderful advice for veterans and their families.  This is a link to an article specifically on "PTSD and the Holidays," and it's quite comprehensive and excellent.  She also covers the anniversary reaction the veteran may be having, and talks about how to create a healthy balance between who can handle what at the holidays, without fostering resentment and anger between the veteran and his or her loved ones.  Excellent stuff, again from someone who can relate.

USA Today Blogs from "An Emotional" Congressional Hearing on Veterans Suicides

The Congressional hearings on suicide prevention among veterans are going on right now in Washington, DC.  USA Today is blogging about what they're calling "an emotional hearing."  Oh, yeah.  Consider the topic!  And the effect that it has on veterans and their families, not to mention, caregivers.  Here's the link.  The coverage is short and to the point, and very, very current.

Report Calls It "Highest Year Ever for Army Suicides"

USA Today has a story today about how an upcoming report will show that this past year, more Army soldiers killed themseles than ever before.  As the article states, "A total of 109 suicides this year would equal a rate of 18.4 per 100,000, the highest since the Army started counting in 1980. The civilian suicide rate was 11 per 100,000 in 2004, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention [the CDC].

According to Senator Patty Murray, whose office shared the statistics with USA Today, and who is quoted in the article, "The military hasn't erased the stigma surrounding mental health issues, so troubled soldiers often do not seek help."  "I want to say I'm surprised...But when we're not doing everything we can to deal with mental health, when we know the Army is under such stress, it's not a surprise. It has to be a wakeup call."

(Although honestly, we should be well past wake-up call on this one.)

The article also mentions efforts the Army has made to combat the problem, including "mandatory training for every soldier about mental health and establishing a program to study its suicides."   However, a troubling angle to the whole suicide phenomenon is this one -- "Research released by the Army in August shows that almost 70% of suicides in 2006 were spurred by failed relationships."

Meaning, the soldier was already under significant stress, and the death of a key relationship just piled one more stressor on, and became the proverbial "straw that broke the camel's back."

If there's a concept like "total load" with mental health issues, it could very well be that ordinarily, people are capable of handling "only so much" stress, and when more gets added to the pile, it's hard not to topple under the strain.  Each person may have their own "breaking point," whose relative location changes regularly, according to how much stress they're under, or how much support they can count on (in addition to a number of other things.)  We're also talking about a younger military here than in years past, including many who didn't expect to be signing up for such extended tours, or possibly even war in the first place (okay, they should have considered it, but many did not).  Reservists in particular -- I can think of several people I know who joined to get better civilian benefits, and weren't remotely thinking they'd end up serving in Iraq or Afghanistan.

It will be interesting when more data comes out, and is studied in greater depth, to also take a look at prevalance of suicide, and see what else it's linked to.  There's already some concern, backed up by studies, that PTSD affects some troops more than others, and suicide would seem logically to follow those same trends.

In the meantime, thanks to Patty Murray for being a great supporter of veterans.  As a longtime Washington state resident, I remember her first being elected to office, and being derided and dismissed during the campaign as a "mom in tennis shoes," whose background as a teacher didn't qualify her for anything political.  As her background material indicates, she's the daughter of a disabled World War II veteran, and she's turned out to be an ardent veterans supporter, and the first woman to serve on the Senate Veterans Affairs committee. 

For media coverage on the great things she's done to support veterans, read the lower half of this page from her Senate website.  As one Seattle newspaper describes her, she's a "workhorse, not a showhorse" -- and thankfully a very committed veterans supporter.  We need more.  (This link to Project Vote Smart shows her voting record.)

Editor's Note: In related and current news, read the transcript of Todd Bowers, IAVA's director of government affairs, remarks as he testified before Congress yesterday on the topic of veterans suicides.  The transcript of his remarks is linked here.

What Does It Mean to Reach the Breaking Point?

What does it mean when an individual -- or a system, such as the VA -- reaches its breaking point?  Do they even know?   And what can we learn from what makes some, or even many or most, snap under the strain, when others (a few) manage to survive and find meaning, not crushing, in their suffering?

Viennese psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor -- concentration camp survivor might be more accurate -- Viktor Frankl wrote Man's Search for Meaning, considered one of a handful of hugely influential books in the 20th century. Like Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, who "systematized" the steps around death and dying, and postulated that everyone goes through them, Frankl took a look, as a psychiatrist, at the tremendous suffering he and other concentration camp inmates had experienced, and drew a few conclusions.  In his opinion, there were three main stages that everyone who suffered tremendously would undergo: shock, apathy, and either giving up, or choosing to find some sort of meaning in the suffering.

As the news we read is saturated more and more with ever more instances of veterans snapping under the pressure and the strain, and committing suicide, or going AWOL rather than return to Iraq, or lashing out at their loved ones in some extreme way; or the system itself snapping under the strain -- we are literally watching people and organizations hit their breaking points.  Some will survive, but many will not, and it's not a value judgment on the ones who do not.  Projects like the PTSD Timeline chronicle the incidences of individual combat veterans reaching their breaking points, sadly enough.  But the stressors on the system are also enormous -- the toll that combat doctors and nurses are under in treating massive injuries hour after hour in Balad, Landstuhl, Walter Reed, etc., and the various trauma hospitals where severely injured veterans are sent across the country -- the toll that the VA is under, which much greater demand for its services than can be safely delivered.  And we need to ask the question -- whether it's an individual veteran or a system supporting veterans -- what does the "breaking point" actually look like?  Will we know it when we arrive at it, or will we find out in retrospect that we just passed it, too late to do anything about it?  And is there anything constructive to be learned from those who reach the same crossroads -- either individuals or systems -- but bend, and do not break?  More questions than answers, to be sure, but questions that are both timely and need to be asked.

Life Preservers for Navigating an Ocean of Grief

Particularly relevant to our readers, now that the holiday season is upon us, it's time to talk about grief, and its relationship to the survivor of combat trauma; the veteran, and his or her family.  For the emotion grief is also part of combat trauma: both the direct grief of the veterans themselves, that never leaves, of the horrors of war, of seeing buddies die, of doing things, and seeing things, that sometimes bring them shame and agony -- and the direct or indirect grief of the family members, when trauma or PTSD drives a veteran to hopelessness, homelessness, or suicide.  There's also the indirect combat trauma-based grief: grief that comes when a veteran dies.  Grief is a normal, healthy, healing process, that, like combat trauma, can be a "normal reaction" to an abnormal situation occurring. 

What is grief?  Heavy-hearted woe, suffering, and pain, when recollecting a previous event or loved one who is no longer here.  According to Roget's Thesaurus, "grief" is "Mental anguish or pain caused by loss or despair: heartache, heartbreak, sorrow.  Grief is, according to the dictionary, "deep mental anguish, such as that arising from bereavement.  See "regret" (yikes.)  The word itself comes from a root word meaning to harm (aggrieve.)  Poets have handled it deftly over the years.  Think of Emily Dickinson's lines on grief:

I MEASURE every grief I meet      

  With analytic eyes;      

I wonder if it weighs like mine,    

  Or has an easier size.   

 

I wonder if they bore it long,        

  Or did it just begin?    

I could not tell the date of mine,   

  It feels so old a pain.   

 

I wonder if it hurts to live,    

  And if they have to try,        

And whether, could they choose between,   

  They would not rather die.

Fortunately, several books shed light on the experience of losing a combat veteran spouse -- these two are from deaths in the Vietnam war era, but the principles apply today as well.  The books are, Grief Denied: A Vietnam Widow's Story, by Pauline Laurent, and Sacred Shadow, Sacred Ground: A Vietnam War Widow's Journey through Unresolved Grief, by Glenda Carter.  Both are five stars on Amazon.com.  (See sidebar for books, or click on their hyperlinks, above.)  Laurent is one of the authors featured in Maxine Hong Kington's edited anthology, "Veterans of War, Veterans of Peace, discussed earlier in this blog; and she's featured in the Bill Moyers documentary on the book as well. 

There's also a very good psychological help guide on the Web, at HelpGuide.org, which describes the difficulty of grief and loss, and possible ways to handle them constructively.  The guide is called, "Coping with Grief and Loss: A Guide to Grieving and Bereavement."  It has many good parts, including how to take care of yourself when you're suffering, and the special issues relating to grieving a death by suicide.  Click here for that link.  There's also a related guide to helping or supporting someone else who is grieving: "helping your child, friend or parent cope with the death of a loved one."  Click here for that link.  They also have some very good material on combat trauma and PTSD.  Click here for that link.  There's also a very pleasant, British, low-key book called Free Yourself from Harmful Stress, that also is worth checking out.  I don't have my copy handy so I can't remember if it covers combat trauma or not -- it might not.  But it does cover all garden-variety psychology health issues, and is written in a very straightforward, pleasant and constructive manner.

[Editor's Note: Helpguide was created in 1999 by the Rotary Club of Santa Monica with active participation by Rotarians Robert and Jeanne Segal following the tragic suicide of their daughter Morgan. Since then, a dedicated team of talented people have collaborated to create a free, non-commercial resource for people in need.  Helpguide’s mission is to empower you and your loved ones to understand, prevent, and resolve health challenges.  Helpguide served over eight million visitors during the past 12 months and is growing by 20% per year. ]

Soldier's Post-Combat Snap Ends in Suicide

The Louisville, KY paper, the Courier-Journal, ran a very troubling profile in yesterday's paper about the suicide of combat veteran Army Spc. Derek Henderson, who had been struggling with PTSD.  He killed himself by jumping off a bridge, as bystanders pleaded with him to reconsider.  (In a side note, the bystanders are now indirect victims of his combat trauma, too.).  The profile of Derek Henderson's life after combat is dark and frightening: he was in and out of the mental health care system, behaving violently, really unable to get a grip on what was going on inside him, and turning to his faith (e.g., reading his Bible more) as one way among many to try to cope.  Ultimately, the forces inside Henderson were much bigger than he could contain, and he took his own life, after several fairly violent run-ins with family members, one of whom, his mom, tried to have him institutionalized briefly. 

As wrenching as Henderson's story is, especially ending as it does with his death, it also brings up some difficult questions.  With someone who was battling potentially the dual demons of PTSD and psychosis, what else can or should "society" be doing to help cases like this?  It doesn't sound like Henderson was mentally ill before serving tours of duty; but it definitely sounds like he became mentally ill afterwards.  As the VA and other agencies struggle to get a grip on the volume and severity of cases of PTSD, one wonders -- what else can or should be done?  Should recruits be tested for mental health and propensity for mental illness beforehand -- can this even be done?  Are the tests out there and are they at all predictive?  And are we as a society prepared, even from a practical, "are there enough beds?" perspective -- to actually institutionalize people who are violent to themselves and others, if PTSD gets bad enough? 

We've heard and read so many stories over the last several years of veterans who aren't able to get seen for PTSD soon enough or often enough after returning home, some of whom have taken their own lives in the delay -- but what of those returning veterans like Henderson who really aren't able to function adequately in society.  As hard a question as it is to ask, are we prepared, practically speaking, to institutionalize an increasing number of people?  Will mental institutions "enjoy" the building boom that prisons did recently, because of the increase in population needing to be housed?  It certainly seems like today's trend has been to de-institutionalize the mentally ill.  If combat creates PTSD severe enough that it ends up in psychosis, do we have a Plan B at all?  The Henderson story is frankly depressing on that front: it brings up very real concerns about those who are really at the fringes, sadly, of even being able to be helped.

Wrongful Death Suit in Marine Suicide Filed by Family Against the VA

The Boston Globe reported in an article published this week that the family of Jeff Lucey, a Marine corporal who sought and was denied psychiatric care at the VA in Massachusetts, and later killed himself, has filed a wrongful death suit against the VA.  Jeff Lucey (pictured here with his parents, in a screen grab from NECN) is one of the subjects profiled in the excellent documentary aired on New England Cable News ("NECN") a while back, called Hidden Wounds, also featuring Nate Fick.  On April 6, 2007, NECN also aired a video discussion with Lucey's parents, around the topic of "Is There Adequate Medical Care for Veterans?"  (I think we know the answer to that one...)  Check out the NECN archives for information about that story.

Suicide: The Needless Goodbye

There's a good article in the Seattle Times today about suicide prevention, and the crucial things to know and do, written by a woman reporter who is herself the spouse of someone who committed suicide.  Given how troubling the ongoing relationship between surviving trauma and suicide is, it's not a bad idea to read up on this.  A link to the article is here.

The Perils of Suicide

A chaplain stationed in Iraq writes informally that six of the soldiers in his general area have taken their own lives recently, which is obviously six far too many.  No real conclusions as to why, but some soul-searching (no pun intended) as to how suicide has become "instant gratification" with a weapon when situations are beyond what we can handle.  No matter the reason or the circumstances, what a shame for those people and their families.

Remembrance of Great Pain

Michael Fay, extraordinarily talented USMC combat artist, has a post on his blog today entitled "Remembrance," about a Marine he sketched with the weight of the world visible on his face -- it is a gorgeous drawing -- and the later realization, when the family contacted him, that this emblematic Marine later committed suicide.  Fay doesn't say explicitly that the suicide was caused by the extreme combat experience; however, he makes several allusions to what we can only surmise is combat trauma, e.g., Fay's desire, through posting about the portrait, "to keep before people's eyes those wounds which are rarely seen, heal the slowest, and often kill; the wounds that pierce the very soul of a person."  Fay is an extraordinarily gifted artist; all of his drawings are almost equally moving and beautifully-drawn; and the portrait of the Marine is especially gripping, even though at the time the outcome of his life had not yet happened.  It is crushingly sad to think of someone fighting so long and hard, as this Marine did, and yet succumbing to pain greater than he could bear.

Is the Army Doing Enough in Suicide Prevention?

There's an editorial in today's Fayetteville, North Carolina's Observer about the U.S. Army's efforts re: suicide prevention in its ranks, basically asking the question about whether the Army is doing enough.  As the editorial says in part:

"Are all of the stress teams, suicide-prevention classes, counseling, psychotherapy and intervention enough?  Few would dispute a spokesman’s assurance that “we do take suicide prevention very seriously.” But should the Army do more thinking outside the box? Are its people doing enough to identify and evaluate recruits with pre-existing, even hereditary conditions? Is there too much emphasis on active duty vs. reserves and too little on troops who, whatever their current status, are exposed or have recently been exposed to the blunt psychological trauma of combat? Is there anything to be learned by studying both self-directed violence and “domestic” violence as different facets of a single problem?

"Intervention is fine, but intervention is a strategy for preserving the lives of people already so deeply troubled that they’re trying to end them. What is the strategy for keeping people who live, month after month, in the most trying conditions imaginable from reaching that point? Are the education, the budgets and the staff equal to the challenge?"

Army Admits Troop Suicides "On the Rise"

An article on Yahoo! today reported that the Army admits that troop suicides have been on the rise.  While the numbers and the increase may not be staggering, there's also some sense (outside the scope of the article) that suicides are actually being under-reported, for various reasons.  Some would also argue, any suicides are too many.  But life is hard, and combat can make it even harder.  Then the various "tools" people employ to handle the pain and the stress may make matters worse as well.  In any case, this is going to be a topic to watch over the coming years.  There was some argument about sucides among troops in Vietnam: that more Vietnam veterans died from suicide than died in the war itself; although this conclusion was often disputed, it was equally often contended to be true.  There's also been some statistic floated about that suicides among the children of Vietnam veterans are three times as high as would be characteristic of the same age group in the general public.  If this story is true, what about the situation is making it so difficult, and what, if anything, can be done to "combat" it (no pun intended).  It's hard to conscience that life is so difficult for returning combat veterans; it would be nice to think the price they'd already paid would be price enough.  Apparently not, though.  Keep this topic in mind over the coming months and years -- see how it develops.

"Sh*t, Meet Fan"

Independent "journalist" Jay Shaft has been passionately pursuing a cause of his own recently, sharing the trials and tribulations of troops who apparently got quite a bit more than they bargained for, when they signed up to go to Iraq or Afghanistan.  Shaft, who paints himself as a counter-culture revolutionary with little obvious background in conventional journalism, nevertheless claims to have interviewed military members with bad attitudes about the war, extensively, and shares their letters in some of his writings. (The article in question is "Letters from Iraq, Part I.")  It's tempting to apply the expression, "like watching a train wreck," to the letters he produces.  They are written by people on the verge -- and sometimes seemingly past -- full emotional collapse.  They don't want to be in war, they're fully traumatized by what they've seen and done, and they feel like no one is listening to their pain.  Shaft is.  (Can that be his real name, or is this a bad sixties reference?  Can you dig it?!)  And Shaft is equally hell-bent, and more power to him, on making sure those voices get heard.  Now, for whatever its worth, the only we became aware of Shaft's work was through a website based in New Zealand.  Maybe what he's saying is just too radical for the American media to pick up.  Not really sure.  But his compilation of outraged cries for help is highly worth reading, if only to sensitize us to what it feels like to be somebody who really doesn't want to be there, well after the fact they've figured that out, and for whom war has become true personal and psychological torture of the self.  The scary sensation in Shaft's writing is that we're encountering people with fullblown PTSD symptoms, and they're frequently still very much in the military, contemplating anything, including sadly suicide, as a way to get out.  These people are desperate, and Shaft is giving them a voice -- their own.  Not to be missed, for the sheer power of the content.  It's like listening to real-time interviews with passengers on the Titanic as they drown.  Very intense stuff.  So far Shaft's work is the most radical we've read, about how participants feel about the war when it's lost its appeal for them, to put it mildly.  It'll be interesting to see whether Shaft's work will be discredited or sought out.  In either case, he's a radical man on a radical mission -- and it'll be worth watching to see what comes of it.

When Torture Follows You Home

Several months ago, the L.A. Times, which this year seems to be outpacing many of the other American leading newspapers for its independent and relatively in-depth reporting of aspects of the Iraq war, published a troubling Op-Ed piece about a writer's involvement with an Afghanistan war veteran who went on to commit suicide. Troubling aspects abound in the opinion piece, including the writer's admission at the end that really, she probably should have done more than she did to make sure the vet got help (sounds true, so far as it goes).  But most troubling of all is the implication that this Marine committed suicide over what he saw -- acts committed by others that he felt powerless to stop.  Actions on our side, essentially by what amount to CIA contractors who were torturing detainees.  The prospect of those actions is of course troubling (there's that word again), but even more so, the consequence of how they could affect someone else's conscience so deeply that he felt that suicide was his only solution.  That's a very, very sad outcome indeed.  It makes you wonder, though.  War is hard enough on direct combatants, ostensibly because of the actions they have to perform to get by and get through.  It's hard to contemplate that sometimes, what veterans see others doing, that goes against their conscience, is too painful for them to bear.  Such seems to have been the case with the Marine whose suicide this opinion piece describes.  This article is called, "For One Marine, Torture Came Home."  If the dead man's allegations are true, it's crushingly sad that he found no other way out than to take his own life.

Veteran Suicide: The High Emotional Cost of War

It is so heartbreaking to learn the stories of returning vets from Iraq who don't feel able to cope with the pain they feel, and end their lives.  The wrenching loss, pain and emptiness their families feel is enormous, and often they wish to "get the message out" that PTSD is affecting vets in far more powerful ways, and sooner, than anyone has realized.  Their veterans paid the ultimate price, but their families don't want others to have to.  As more veterans return from this war, we will unfortunately see more of the same thing -- calls for help which go unanswered, tragic choices made by hurting people, and the pain their families feel, mobilizing into action to spare others the same fate.  It's said that the one thing Vietnam veterans wish to convey to America today is to not have to let another generation of veterans suffer on homecoming they way that they did.  Please be sensitive to the needs of all veterans and their families, and see what you can do, what we can do as a society, to ease their enormous pain.

A few memorial websites of grieving families who've lost their Iraq veterans to suicide are here and here.  "All gave some, some gave all."