Healing Combat Trauma

The "Moving Meditation" of Qi Gong -- One Veteran's Opinion on How it Helps

I asked a Vietnam combat vet, Marine, three purple hearts, shot five times and left for dead, star of the "Eyewitness to Combat" segment of this site, who's been doing Qi Gong lately, what he liked about it -- and how he would describe it to a fellow vet. Here's what he said, verbatim:

"Are you tired of feeling miserable every day and dragging your ass around? If you are, I've got something that takes 24-28 minutes, doesn't require any exertion/doesn't feel strenuous, will give you energy all day long and change your whole attitude!"

He's been doing it pretty faithfully lately, and losing weight -- possibly another of its many benefits, since it appears to work on metabolism. I asked him how he felt about having skipped a few days, unavoidably. "I missed it!" he said; adding, "I got lethargic, lazy, and listless; lacked energy; and my joints started hurting again. I missed the peace that it creates as well..." He also said, "I like Qi Gong because it gives me energy; it gives me a sense of well-being; it actually calms me down; and actually makes me feel good. It's almost like a narcotic, but a very pleasant one. It's not overwhelming; but it  has a very subtle calming -- and -- energizing effect. It gives me energy without psyching me up and getting me hyper. About halfway through, I start feeling really relaxed and good and then I don't want to stop."

Now that's what I call a ringing endorsement :-) Remember, YMMV -- "Your mileage may vary" -- and also, be sure to check with your healthcare practitioner before beginning any exercise program. That said, Qi Gong is probably one of the more mellow, but useful, exercises you could begin.

Last month, Jane Brody, who writes about health for the New York Times, had an article called "A Downside to T'ai Chi? None That I See" about a counterpart exercise to Qi Gong. (That article is linked here.) "After reviewing existing scientific evidence for its potential health benefits," she writes, "I’ve concluded that the proper question to ask yourself may not be why you should practice tai chi, but why not." (The rest of her article is well worth reading.)

Says Brody, "There is no question that tai chi can reduce stress. As the study authors described it, tai chi “combines meditation with slow, gentle, graceful movements, as well as deep breathing and relaxation to move vital energy (called qi by the Chinese) throughout the body.” She continues, "If nothing else, this kind of relaxing activity can lower blood pressure and heart rate, improve cardiovascular fitness and enhance mood. ... Regular practitioners of tai chi report that they sleep better, feel healthier and experience less pain and stiffness, though it cannot be said for certain that tai chi alone is responsible for such benefits."

So there are two choices, among several others, for "moving meditations" that provide health benefits and relaxation. I've been enjoying watching how much this combat vet has enjoyed Qi Gong, though, so I thought I'd ask him for his own opinion on it. As someone who's done both T'ai Chi and Qi Gong, I think Qi Gong is easier and more accessible; the vet seemed to agree, because he found it easier to learn and also required lower overall fitness, yet still produced benefits. The most important thing of all is finding an exercise that produces value that you can incorporate regularly. Like healthful eating, these practices don't help if you don't do them; so find one that works for you and make it a part of your lifestyle.

© 2010 by Lily Casura / Healing Combat Trauma. All rights reserved. Use with attribution.

 

When Is PTSD NOT PTSD? When Stubborn Pride Takes Control

Editor's note: We're not giving you medical or psychological advice here; consult with your own health care practitioner for that. What we are doing is sharing a longtime PTSD sufferer's opinion with you about his own situation, on the off-chance that it may instruct or enlighten. We have the feeling, now that he's outed himself, others may quite enjoy learning the distinctions he shares from his own life. And when we say "others," we mean spouses, significant others and family members...

From the subject of "Eyewitness to Combat," a Vietnam vet, Marine, with 40 years of "experience" on the subject:

"Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder has many faces and it sometimes masquerades as a behavioral problem; conversely, there are times when behavioral abnormalities masquerade as PTSD.  In other words, sometimes PTSD is mistaken for just stubborn Pride; and sometimes stubborn Pride is excused as PTSD.  There is also a third face, the one in which we appear completely “Normal.” So the “trick” becomes knowing which one is in control – the PTSD one; the PRIDEFUL one; or the NORMAL one. 

One of the most frustrating and difficult problems in sorting this out with traumatized MST or PTSD combat vets is that by their very nature, MST and PTSD sufferers are very complicated individuals, to say the least. It’s almost as if we are different people at different times.  And in fact we are.  My wife used to say she “never knew which one” of me “was coming home.” In other words: “PTSD really screws us up: mentally, emotionally, socially, personally, professionally and physically”.  However on many of the occasions that get blamed on PTSD, it is in fact our own personality “quirks” that have intervened, kidnapped and magnified the suffering from PTSD. And in the healing process, this habitual behavior must be sorted out before any true healing can “stick.” It’s true that we can be healed from our PTSD “disorder” but also allow our pride, habitual bad habits and negative attitude to completely mask any real improvement.

I do know that true healing from the destructiveness of PTSD is possible and real. I know this because I lived with all three faces of it for forty years and I have been healed.  Not “cured” but healed to a point that I now have a mostly “normal” a life rather than a mostly PTSD, prideful, bad habit and negative attitude life.  From this very long journey to healing I am able to speak from wisdom and experience on behavioral abnormalities disguised as PTSD.  I have been there; done that; and, for the most part, “have gotten away clean with it.” Now looking back, I am embarrassed and ashamed of myself for falling into the “pity party” that “works for me” trap.  I allowed myself to become “victimized,” believing that I was “entitled” to feel sorry for myself and that everyone else should feel sorry for me as well.  My PTSD actually made me feel “special” as everyone was made to “tiptoe” around me like a king walking among his subjects, so as not to “set me off”.  Trust me when I say that “this gets very old very quick” to those who love you, care for and about you; and it should be of no surprise when they begin to get a little bitter and non-empathetic toward our behavior.  It just gets tiring!  Upon entering the 90 day VA in-house PTSD treatment program years ago, I came face-to-face with a sign over the door of our billet, made by one of the previous vet therapists, that said: “How long would YOU put up with YOU?!  Well, not very damn long, I can tell you that – and that sign made the point for all of us.  So why should we expect others to do so?!  And if that’s true, why do we resist healing? Suffering from PTSD for most of my life made me very familiar with all of its symptoms and destructive consequences, along with what it does to our own physical body.  I am well aware of how devastating it is upon the family, friends and employers of those suffering from this disorder.  Today though, when I’m substantially healed, (see “before and after” story, linked here) I find that I can still act like a full blown PTSD’er.  The only difference is that now it’s my choice when to move into that arena, or not.  As my youngest grown son would say, “I’m going with NOT!”.  So in going there now it’s a premeditated decision to do so, not one dictated by PTSD. It’s premeditated because I first think about it, usually when my feelings get hurt, and then I stop taking my meds, as in “I’ll show them”, followed by then I stop doing what I know to do to keep me grounded and clear of stress such as EFT or Qi Gong.  Then I isolate myself in my all-too-familiar bunker, and “Away I go!” But this time it’s stubborn, God-damned pride that is pushing my behavior and keeping it in play, NOT PTSD. It might look like PTSD, sound like PTSD, feel like PTSD – and I am enjoying the effects. My world is now totally miserable, and I am glad – because I am back in control! The poet John Dryden put the sequence this way, “We first make our habits, and then our habits make us”.  Relinquishing control to our Prideful self is a habit we simply cannot afford if we suffer from PTSD.  It will destroy us and everyone around us. Again, if it is so miserable and so devastating, why stay in it? They “why” is PRIDE: Stubborn God-dammed, destructive PRIDE, a shitty attitude and very bad habits.  How does this fit into having PTSD?  It doesn’t fit into HAVING PTSD at all, but it DOES fit into KEEPING it!  And why would we want to KEEP Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder going, when we have the tools to get rid of it? Because it’s comfortable; it’s normal to us; it gives us control whenever we want; it gives us an excuse for bad behavior; it gives us an identity; it’s amusing to “shock” others; it draws attention to us; we don’t have to follow the rules and get a pass for doing so; it gets us “stuff”; it makes us somebody special and we can even be “paid” to have it.   And if you are getting “paid” to have it, it makes you a professional PTSD’er.  Sooooo why not act like one and let the spouse go to work; you get paid not to! You can sit on the couch and own the friggin’ remote and when you want to watch something cool you can clear the room and get a beer delivered to you in the process.  All the while someone can give you the beer, the TV and the couch.  I also know this to be true because I have spent up to a month terrorizing everyone in my life with my fucking PRIDE disguised as PTSD.  And I enjoyed the whole experience! But eventually even my pride got to a point that I couldn’t stand it anymore.  I allowed myself to be ashamed of this childish behavior and to apologize and ask for forgiveness so that I could come out of the corner.  NOW I really am ashamed of myself because I hurt those I loved and they didn’t deserve it at all.  But now I know what it is and will not go there again. (Publishing this handy little guide to PTSD vs. PRIDE of course will help!) I’ll use the tools I have been given in healing and use them gladly.  I do not want my loved ones to suffer the fool that I could become.  Scripture puts it this way in 1 Corinthians 13:11: “When I was a child, I talked like a child; I thought like a child; I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me”.  In other words “it’s time we grow up!” Understand I am NOT talking about what “reaction” PTSD compels us to do that is destructive.  What I am talking about is what keeps us continuing the destructive behavior AFTER our PTSD moment has PASSED.  The fact that we suffer from a trauma-induced survival skill does not make us “crazy” or “insane” or incapable of being aware of our surrounding and how our actions affect others.  We still have the ability to know right from wrong and we know when we hurt others and we know when we hurt ourselves.  PTSD also doesn’t change our “moral code”.  If you were a nice person before; you are generally still a nice person and that becomes your “Normal” face.  If you were a courteous person before; you are generally still a courteous person and “Normal”.  If you were a grateful person before; you are generally still a “Normally” grateful person.  If we are truly remorseful for our actions which harm others, as we should be when we are “Normal”, then the abnormal behavior will stop until triggered again. And in our “Normal” state we are ashamed, embarrassed and truly sorry.  If we are not at least remorseful and/or our misbehavior is enjoyable, then we are either a narcissistic “asshole” or we are pretending to continually have PTSD behavior for control and that is our “Prideful” face.  If we are ashamed, embarrassed and sorry but continue in bad behavior, then we are stubborn “Prideful” fools using the ole, “That’s my story and I’m stickin to it” crap.  It will lead to your destruction and that of your family.  And PRIDE becomes the driving force, not PTSD, and the NORMAL face is destroyed.    That was PTSD.  But then I would get embarrassed and mad when “corrected” and take the Prideful mental position of: “Well I sure fucked that one up; so screw them all” and I would then “dig my heels in” and really make everyone miserable.  And I enjoyed it.  I was “showing them” for getting justifiably upset at me for my action.  That was PRIDE.  “They would learn to leave me alone whenever I would go into one of my “Marine Corps Moods”, as my kids would call it.  Yep, goddamn Marine Corps PRIDE!  (In truth, I have three kinds of pride: Texas pride! Irish pride! And Marine Corps pride! And that is a whole giant bucket of PRIDE…) Understand that I DID have severe PTSD and those triggering events happened a bunch but the moment I realized I had screwed up, PTSD ended and PRIDE took over to magnify the damage.  I was too proud to admit that I was wrong and then ask for forgiveness or even to say I was sorry.  For a Marine to apologize was a “sign of weakness”.  To take this action with those who love you only adds INSULT to INJURY.  However for a father, a husband, a son, a partner, to apologize is essential and your “Normal” self and is a great sign of love, appreciation, humility, strength, self-confidence and courage. When scripture states that “the meek shall inherit the earth,” it is not talking about the weak but the gracious, strong, self-confidently humble who attempt to right the wrongs they have done to others. Our families and loved ones know when that moment of awareness happens, and they appreciate it and respond to it, but conversely, with no remorse on our part they start to lose empathy for our plight, and rightfully so.  If our prideful attitude and bad behavior keeps up, they become aloof, distant, uncaring and bitter – and here’s the thing, we’ve helped to make them that way through our actions. PTSD is what causes the hyper-vigilance and other survival reactions triggered by events in our lives, but PRIDE is what causes us to stay in the now habitual act of PTSD.  True healing can only come when we understand that we will have the tendency to move into survival mode for the rest of our lives and that there are things we can do to effectuate a smooth, peaceful, happy life.  AND it is essential that we do those things consistently for the rest of our lives. (Examples would be taking our medication, and using the tools we can do at home for our own self-care, such as meditation, deep breathing, qi gong, EFT, music therapy, aromatherapy, etc. -- and knowing when it's PRIDE that's taken control!) We also must learn to be grateful to those around us who put up with our “moments” and have enough respect for them to swallow our pride and say we are sorry and mean it; then sincerely ask for forgiveness in love.  If you are unwilling to do this, then you are not ready to be healed because you are enjoying being miserable and making others miserable too much.  And I really feel sorry for you.  When we realize we have just had one of those “moments”; STOP, regain your composure, look around at what you have effectuated and apologize and mean it.  But if you do nothing else, just STOP and go to your corner.  When you have calmed down, then correct it before PRIDE takes control and kills everyone around you or before it forces you back into the “bunker”.  Your families know when you are faking PTSD and when it is real; so grow up and get your shit together."Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” Proverbs 16:18. Even with PTSD!"

© 2010 by Lily Casura / Healing Combat Trauma. All rights reserved. Use with attribution.

 

Tooling Up...Low-Key Ways to Cope with Some of PTSD's Challenges

Another observation from the recent retreat, written about earlier, here:

There was somewhat of an attempted mutiny among the younger male OIF/OEF combat veterans that they had come to the retreat to learn "tools," but felt that they weren't actually come away with any. Gathering tools wasn't the focus of the retreat; building community was. However, their frustration was real, and it seemed that what they meant was tools for reintegrating with their families, and tools for dealing with their PTSD. But here's something that really stood out, and spoke well of the Vietnam veterans who were there in the process.

Two of the "tools" that were being offered at the retreat were qi gong -- which we've written about at length on this site, and encouraged many veterans with PTSD to try, always with positive results -- and meditation. Meditation is an important mind-body skill, and eminently teachable. The classes were offered, optionally, first thing in the morning, and sometimes later in the afternoon as well, for non-early-risers. At one point during the retreat, classes in both were offered for the whole group, during a mid-day session that everyone could attend (and childcare was offered, every time -- making it possible for anyone who wanted to attend to be able to go.) As the graduate of two week-long sessions (the practitioner training, and the advanced training) at the Center for Mind-Body Medicine in Washington, D.C., in a track called "Healing the Troops," I know that these skills, among others, are both worth learning, because they increase resilience and promote internal peace, better stress management and balance. In other words, good tools for any of us to learn, including combat veterans with PTSD or their families, who are under a lot of stress.)

The early morning sessions were well-attended by a broad cross-section of the retreat's participants, and you could see people responding to various degrees to these new experiences. But one thing happened that puzzled me.

Right after I learned of the frustration of some of the younger vets about not having access to the "tools" they were looking for, the mid-day session of both qi gong and meditation was offered. Many of these same guys sat in the back of the room, not participating, and generally (though lightly) mocking the goings-on of the other, more interested participants, some of whom were also vets, until they were asked to leave the room so the others could better concentrate. Those who stayed appreciated the renewed ability to concentrate without them, and after the sessions wrapped up, they gave some important feedback. One veteran apiece from the older generation had gravitated to each of the new practices. The qi gong had helped one to begin to feel more peace than he had in a long while (according to him), and while qi gong didn't resonate with another older vet, meditation really had. He said that he found while he practiced it, it allowed him to go within and get some much-needed peace from a long-term chronic pain. 

I thought about how wonderful it was that both these veterans had persevered, tried something new, opened their hearts and minds to an unfamiliar experience, and yet had their lives blessed by that. They were literally leaving the retreat with new "tools" to practice...while the ones who had been so vocal in their frustration about not getting tools had actually missed the opportunity to learn the same. It's not that the tools didn't work...they had only to look to the experience of the older vets to see how. But unfortunately they missed the whole experience. And it made me wonder whether there's something about being an older vet...and suffering for decades, not just months or years...that somehow also creates a great openness and humility when it comes to trying new things that just might have a blessing encoded within them. Two sets of combat veterans, each with PTSD. Two sets of different frustrations. But one successful experience when it came to accessing new tools. There's a lesson in that for all of us, I'm sure.

Editor's note: If you want to know more about meditation, click here.

More Recommendations for Qi Gong DVDs for Veterans with PTSD from PBS' Lee Holden

Following up on a post from over the weekend, I was able to find my earlier notes which list the rest of the recommendations from Qi Gong expert Lee Holden, featured on PBS. This was the list in full of what he recommended for veterans suffering from PTSD. (Read the earlier post, linked here, called "The Beneficial 'Moving Meditation' of Qi Gong," for why Qi Gong is a great stress-reduction technique.) Lee Holden's DVDs are only available through his website, and VERY occasionally, used, from Amazon.com. His website is linked here. If you order more than one DVD, look for a shipping special (current at this time) for ordering four. 

(His newest DVD, due to be released in August of 2010, is available for pre-order on Amazon.com. It's not necessarily one of his recommendations for PTSD, but if you grow to like his material, here's one more. Usually you have to order his DVDs from his site alone, but this one will also be available for Amazon, which will probably help with the distribution of it, too.) Here's the link to that DVD.

Qi Gong for Stress Relief (previously mentioned, the #1 recommendation:

Qi Gong for Upper Back and Neck Pain:

Qi Gong Flow for Beginners: ("The PBS favorite...")

Qi Gong The Flow Continues:

The Beneficial "Moving Meditation" of Qi Gong

When April Fool's Day rolled around, one world-famous T'ai Chi teacher had this as his status update: "April 24th is 'World T'ai Chi and Qi Gong Day. (It is, by the way.) Brazil has declared it a national holiday, Utah has recognized it, and [name of giant pharmaceutical company] has filed a preliminary injunction against it."

(Anyone who's ever observed the battle between Western medicine and Complementary and Alternative medicine or "CAM" would get that joke... We've come to expect peace of mind in a pill, not in a lifestyle practice or an exercise that can reduce stress and improve immunity.)

T'ai Chi and Qi Gong are both ancient Chinese practices. T'ai Chi is more correctly a type of martial arts, and Qi Gong is often termed "a moving meditation." "Qi" is the word for what the Chinese see as the "life-force energy." This same Qi (or Chi) is what acupuncture moves along energy meridians. Qi Gong is one of several practices, including T'ai Chi and Yoga, that are effective at relaxing "body, mind and spirit." Unlike the other two, however, Qi Gong is less demanding physically, so can be done by a broader range of people, including seniors and the disabled.

In "The Complete Illustrated Guide to Chinese Medicine," Tom Williams, Ph.D., writes about these arts, "In many ways Qi Gong and T'ai Chi represent the paradox that is central to the whole way of thinking in Chinese medicine. These practices are so gentle and apparently effortless, yet they are in fact inordinately powerful and bring tremendous benefit to anyone who adopts them as part of a regular healthcare strategy."

As the Wall Street Journal reported last year, "Alternative medicine is mainstream. The evidence is mounting that diet and lifestyle (including practices such as Qi Gong, T'ai Chi and Yoga) are the best cures for the worst afflictions."

There's much to be said on behalf of this multi-thousand-year-old practice, which 100 million Chinese who practice it daily in parks, both morning and evening. It's a low-cost "health care system" that's available to all. Unlike the more rigorous T'ai Chi, Qi Gong can be done standing, or even sitting in a chair. It can be learned in a class, or at home with a DVD. There is a selection of DVDs likely to be found at your local library; and online at Amazon.com, at Gaiam.com, and at ExerciseToHeal.com. 

Lee Holden, who had a show on PBS about Qi Gong, talks about how Qi Gong leaves you "relaxed, balanced and energized." When I asked Holden which of his dozen or more DVDs he would suggest for people struggling with PTSD, he recommended "Stress Relief Qi Gong," among others. (His DVDs are available on his website, linked here.) 

Why would Qi Gong practice be particularly beneficial for veterans with PTSD? Holden clarifies:

"Qi Gong switches the nervous system from the stress related ‘fight or flight’ mode to the restorative healing mode of the parasympathetic branch. EEG shows that, in people practicing Qi Gong, the cerebral cortex enters a state of calm that few people experience, even in sleep."

(Holden is also the author of "Seven Minutes of Magic: Recharge Your Body Each Day with Qi Gong," linked here.)

Here's a sample from that DVD:

Aspects of Qi Gong, especially its less rigorous nature, combined with its health benefits, including stress reduction, make it a good fit for veterans. Leading a Vietnam combat veteran through some a Qi Gong routine, as we both followed along with a Lee Holden DVD, I asked him how he felt afterwards: "Great!" was his response. He had tried T'ai Chi, but found that he and other vets could not adapt quickly enough to it.

In my own battle with chronic fatigue syndrome years ago, after trying the best of Western and Eastern medicine, I found that it was T'ai Chi and Qi Gong that "built energy" and "moved energy" that allowed me finally to recover.I had the good fortune to take instruction in person from a wonderful instructor who adapted her instruction to even those in chronic pain, and I remember that we could do the Qi Gong exercises sitting down, and yet still experience the benefits. If you're in the Seattle, Wash. area and you can go in person to a class, I recommend Kim Ivy at Embrace the Moon, because I know her work. But if you have to get your instruction from a DVD, Lee Holden and Francisco Garripoli are highly recommended.

For more information about Qi Gong and its health benefits, there's one website in particular that's a treasure trove of information: the Qigong Institute, and it's linked here. I would also suggest reading what Lee Holden has written about it, linked here.

(Note that you may find Qi Gong spelled several different ways, including "Qigong" and "Chi Kung.")

Finally, here are two informational videos that describe a little bit more about what Qi Gong is and what the experience of practicing it is like:

and