"Ann," Eddie Livingston, the subject of our "An American Veteran" series writes to Ann Landers in the summer of '65, "you cannot possibly know how the help and comfort your column brings to people like myself. Many times I have found things in your column that seemed to apply to me, specifically." In characteristic Eddie fashion he adds, "I hope you are never alone, or lonely, Ann."
(Click on the photo to read the letter in its entirety.)
A comment like that stands out because being alone and loneliness are clearly important to Eddie as well.
His niece, who's brought his writings to light, comments that Eddie believed "because of all of his problems stemming from the war and his POW experience [both creating his PTSD] that no one could ever love him."
Fortunately he found someone later who did, but in this letter you can clearly read the pain and frustration of the 41-year-old Eddie at striking out too many times in the same way, where other men with less baggage from the war are clearly succeeding. Eddie was 41 at the time but a recent combat veteran I ran into the other day, in his 30s, was able to use the experience of having several women break up with him in a row as his "wake-up call" -- that it was no longer all of their problems but it was his PTSD as the common denominator, and he started to go get help so that he could change his future. I commend his efforts but also Eddie's plaintive authenticity on this front. I'm no "Robert Taylor," he bemoans, citing a celebrity of the day, but knows that he's still worth loving. Veterans with PTSD may have rocky relationships (see the divorce rates) and plenty of alone time (see the series on living in the bunker), and these problems with others may stem from the difficulty they find in loving or accepting themselves. It's certainly true that I've recently seen spouses not have the easiest time with the experience, either. Difficult or hard to love? Yes, probably. Worth the effort? We believe so. Stay tuned for a very positive story on just this topic...
Editor's note: For a set of articles about the fuller topic of sexuality and intimacy in the combat veteran with PTSD's life, click here.
