The "365 Tao" book that I'm so fond of -- what's not to love about an item at Amazon that has 65 ratings, and they're ALL five stars?! -- had a wonderful item today about how caring for another appropriately is wonderful, but that there is "too much" of a good thing, and it can backfire terribly on the caregiver. Read what it says:
CARING
"Don't go out looking for good deeds to do
But if one comes your way, do not refuse.
If you meet someone who is suffering, you must help them."
And then, importantly:
"Those who follow Tao believe in using sixteen attributes on behalf of others : mercy, gentleness, patience, nonattachment, control, skill, joy, spiritual love, humility, reflection, restfulness, seriousness, effort, controlled emotion, magnanimity, and concentration. Whenever you need to help another, draw upon these qualities. Notice that self-sacrifice is not included in this list. You do not need to destroy yourself to help another. Your overall obligation is to complete your own journey along your personal Tao. As long as you can offer solace to others on your same path, you have done the best that you can."
It's so crucial to note what the author says about "notice that self-sacrifice is not included in this list." (And, previously, that non-attachment was.) So many people on this path or journey, trying to help vets with PTSD, in their own families, their brothers and sisters they served with, etc., are bound to follow the completely self-sacrificing path. We understand that impulse...but see where it leads? It leads to personal disaster. Please take better care of yourself than that. It's not necessary to give your complete and entire all to do your best, to give your best. There has to be a "you" left at the end of the day, or the night. Please find and treasure that self...and don't let it be destroyed, even in the guise of being...the care-giver.
What can you do for yourself today to improve your health and stress level? What nurtures you and gives you peace of mind? Is it exercise, spending time with friends, having alone time -- what is it? There are many things you can do for yourself that are inexpensive and take good care of you. Please make a list for yourself of what those are, and find a way to bring them back into your life. It will make a world of difference. Some of the very same recommendations or suggestions for veterans with PTSD are ones you might like yourself. A simple exercise like Qi Gong, which creates a feeling of being "relaxed, balanced and energized" -- is just one example of positive self-care, and there are many others.
At the opposite extreme, of not taking care of yourself, what can we guess happens with too long a sacrifice, for others, no matter how worthy, needy or deserving? According to the poet, it can "make a stone of the heart." And following this along...what happens to a stone heart? It shatters and breaks. Keep a soft heart...take care of yourself first...so you can continue to care for others. Not instead of yourself. Importantly, after yourself. So that you can give the best care of all...and not be depleted, broken or crushed.
