That Dalai Lama -- he's amazing! If "personal outlook" were a software package, I'd ask for the Dalai Lama upgrade: because I like how he thinks. So compassionate and kind and reasonable, but not afraid of science. A fascinating, compelling combination.
Some of his great quotes lately:
"We can't be useful to ourselves unless we're useful to others. Whether we like it or not, we're all connected, and it is unthinkable to be happy all by oneself. Anyone concerned only with his own well-being will suffer eventually. Anyone concerned with the well-being of others takes care of himself without even thinking about it. Even if we decide to remain selfish, let us be intelligently selfish -- let us help others." -- The Dalai Lama.
And another:
"Once you shift your focus from yourself to others and extend your concern to others, this will have the immediate effect of opening up your life and helping you to reach out. The practice of cultivating altruism has a beneficial effect not only from a religious point of view but also from a mundane point of view; not only for long-term spiritual development but even in terms of immediate rewards."
And another:
"The world's major religious traditions all give the development of compassion a key role. Because it is both the source and the result of patience, tolerance, forgiveness and all good qualities, its importance is felt to extend from the beginning to the end of spiritual practice. Even without a religious perspective, love and compassion are clearly of fundamental importance to us all."
And another:
"Satisfaction is characterized by inner peace. It arises from generosity, honesty and what I call ethical conduct, a way of behaving that respects others' rights to be happy."
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Bringing this all back around to veterans with combat-based PTSD and their families, think how crucial what he's expressing are. Eighteen veterans a day kill themselves -- a shocking statistic -- and we seem to be at the beginning, not the middle or the end -- of that particular trend. Army and Marine suicides -- they see the bulk of the action, after all, in these wars -- are both up, despite the "best of intentions" on the part of the services to bring down the numbers. Pep talks on prevention and more prescriptions aren't solving the problem, nor are they likely to. Because, as one combat vet with PTSD said, "pep talks are hard to take seriously because that is for the normal life of a normal person, not for a veteran contemplating suicide because of combat trauma." True, that.
It's coming up on two years, shortly, of my first phone conversation with the combat vet, a Vietnam vet, Marine, with 40 years(!) of severe, chronic PTSD, which plagued his life, despite "all the best" of what the VA threw at him (his words, not mine), including an inpatient, residential PTSD program that was cutting-edge at the time. (Would it surprise you to know that most of his classmates in that program, according to him, are now dead, also from suicide?) After our first conversation, which seemed relatively pleasant and positive, he followed up with an email about wanting to drink and put a gun in his mouth to end it all, because he was sure God hated him; after all, he himself did. Sparkly stuff. Lots of unicorns and rainbows and fluffy clouds there...not one bit.
Of course, the end of his story is quite a bit more positive, mostly because it didn't end. He's made the transition from bleak, grim and grisly to mostly inspirational and awesome. And it took a while, a solid footing, a hand reaching across the abyss and pulling him up and out -- a hand which he importantly grabbed (it doesn't work if you don't ;-). It took some specific therapeutic treatments to help remove trauma from the body. We tried a few, intentionally, and they worked; there are others that might as well. And it took a huge motivation on his part to reach out -- however ugly his mess at the time -- to get some help and be real about where he was really at. For years, decades really, he'd been the one other vets' wives called to take the gun out of the mouths of their husbands. Now he finally had some hope to offer others. But it took commitment on his part, believing that the hope was out there, and going after it with all he had. Not always pretty, but effective :-)
(He's the veteran in the "Eyewitness to Combat" series on the site. Here are two items about his turnaround, linked here and here. The second is in his own words.)
Anyway, the upshot of the whole experience is wanting to build a program to bring other combat veterans with PTSD through, and help their families as well, who are often left holding the bag (of misery) but not really getting the help they need either. Combat veterans with PTSD have often lost their life purpose completely, and as we've been talking about lately, purpose is key.
The "eyewitness to combat" veteran, described above -- he and I share a purpose. It's helping others overcome. It's possible. And as the Dalai Lama says, that's being intelligently selfish -- taking care of those 18 vets a day who'll be killing themselves, BEFORE it happens. So it doesn't HAVE to happen. That's the best use that you and I could put our time and energy and compassion to. Please join in helping others so that they don't have to suffer so intensely, when there is a way out.
Editor's Note: A California-based psychology grad student is doing a Ph.D. thesis on Iraq vets with PTSD and life purpose. If you qualify based on the above criteria, he'd like to talk to you, and will pay you $50 for your efforts if you participate. Here's the link to his study. His brother is a combat vet.
Additionally, you can "follow" the Dalai Lama on Twitter -- @DalaiLama -- and you can follow us on Twitter as well @HealingPTSD.
