Back in January, The Marine Corps Gazette published the account of one Marine's own struggle with PTSD. The Marine was 1st Staff Sergeant Travis N. Twiggs, and the article was called "PTSD: the War Within - A Marine Writes about His PTSD Experience." Twiggs had four deployments with OIF/OEF: one to Afghanistan, and three to Iraq. He writes fairly bluntly about what his experience with PTSD was like; how it crept up on him; what the process of admitting that he had it was like; and what he did to recover from it. He also writes a postscript about what his like has been since then. I've tried to contact Twiggs several times and the Marine Corps Gazette, to see about getting permission to reprint Twiggs' story on this blog; but haven't heard anything back. That makes me concerned that perhaps the end of the story isn't as positive as it seemed it was going to be; but I hope that I'm wrong about that. Twiggs' writing his story about his own fight with PTSD is a very powerful thing. While many veterans obviously suffer from PTSD, not many have come forward to really talk about what it's like to have had it, and to have made progress in overcoming it. That's why Twiggs' story is so valuable. It also has the added benefit of being a story by a combat veteran to other veterans -- with all the shared camaraderie and empathy that implies. I hope things continue to go well for Twiggs -- his example and his openness can really be helpful to other veterans who are suffering from combat trauma.
Some items that stand out from his story:
- A triggering point: arriving back in the U.S. after his third deployment, and being greeted by the families of the two Marines who were killed in action on his tour at the homecoming for his battalion. It seems to have pushed to the forefront of his mind the question, "Why them, why not me?" which is classic for people to ask. "From then on my life began to spiral downward," he says.
- At another point he describes being back from the front: "When I arrived back in the States, it was as though I had never left. All of my symptoms were back, and now I was in the process of destroying my family. This was all taking place because I did not understand what was happening to me. My situation worsened, if you can believe that. I started neglecting my work, and my answer for everything was alcohol."
- In other point, he describes with great poignancy the real battle within himself: "The true horror of war is coming home without all of your Marines, because at some point you have to look at yourself in the mirror and wonder, “Did I give them my all?” “Did I train them to the best of my ability?” I could not answer yes to either question. I still can’t and wonder if I ever will." (That last point also makes me concerned about how fully he's been able to put this in the past; it's probably still far too difficult to - and there's definitely no shame in that.)
Another constructive part of the article is the recommendations he offers as a layman, about what he believes helped his PTSD, and what might help others. Here are the majority of things he says he learned from the experience, that he can recommend to others:
- Medication alone will not calm PTSD symptoms. Therapy is a must, and it has to be done with others who have experienced the same war or conflict. In other words, veterans of Operation IRAQI FREEDOM should not be undergoing therapy with Vietnam or Operation DESERT STORM veterans. The symptoms are the same, but the time periods are different.
- Alcohol and pills don’t mix. The Marine/sailor should never be told that moderate alcohol consumption is acceptable.
- It is okay to mourn those you’ve lost, but remember, they don’t want you to be sad. They want you to celebrate their lives.
- PTSD is not a weakness. It is a normal reaction to a very violent situation.
- I firmly believe that a lot of my [subsequent] problems were caused by overmedication. The medication affected my judgment and my ability to cope with the true issues that haunted me. I also have since suffered from a seizure, which is believed to have occurred from the same cause. So, ensure that the Marines/sailors know that it is okay to question the amount of medications they are taking and why.
- Place more emphasis on the post-deployment health questionnaire all Marines/sailors have to fill out before leaving theater. I remember Marines being told that if they marked “yes” to anything, it would cause problems with their taking leave. They don’t know that PTSD is not even noticeable until they come home. Marines/ sailors should fill out these questionnaires honestly when they get back in garrison, and they need to know that it is okay if they are experiencing difficulties readjusting.
- Leaders should sit down with their Marines/sailors prior to releasing them for leave and cite different examples of PTSD so that they know what to expect and how to recognize the symptoms. When they return from leave, leaders should get them enrolled in as many schools as they can. Regardless of whether they can get them into the schools or not, leaders should set up a well-planned schedule for them.
Wherever you are, Travis Twiggs, best wishes for your continued health and healing. Thanks for being strong enough to write this; thanks for sharing it with your fellow combat veterans.
Editor's Note: A copy of the original article is linked here; a PDF copy of it on the Web is also linked here.
