I had an interesting lunch the other day with John Powers*, up-and-coming veterans support specialist, current studying to become a psychologist, and one of the take-aways from the lunch was his impression of just how much veterans want to be heard. Over and over, this seems to be a theme. The contrary impression is also true: veterans who suffered because they felt society pushed them aside, and what they had to say, when they came back from the Vietnam war -- part of why, ideally, we are somewhat more ready to listen as a society now. We think about quotes like Paul Tillich's, that the first duty of love is to listen, something we talked about earlier in a blog entry called, "How Do Veterans Want Us to Listen to Them?" (For everyone Googling for "gifts for returning vets," and there are quite a few who are, try thinking about what USMC Brigadier General Timothy C. Hanifen wrote here in "Three Gifts You Can Give Returning Veterans That Last a Lifetime." For everyone who wants the Cliff Notes version, even his three keys are somewhat listening-oriented: understanding, support and affirmation. Try giving those in a genuine or authentic way, without listening -- pretty much impossible.) There's even a specific book we talked about lately, that veterans and their families could use to document their recent experiences, both positive and negative, in an informal and interesting approach. (That book and its related national project is called Listening is an Act of Love. Here's the link to that blog entry.)
There's more and more we could say on the subject, but here's the actual point, and the rest was merely prologue. There are specific skills involved in listening to and working with trauma and those who are affected by it. Thankfully, there are also resources on learning how. Here is a great link, that covers quite a few approaches, in tidbit fashion -- in other words, leaves you wanting more. The overall gist? That listening must be very intentional, and with focus. What is focus? The dictionary would say, it's narrow or close examination or concentration. It's the sense that everything else is slipping out of focus, and only one thing is at the center of attention. Listening with focus: it's a good idea in general life, an even better idea, apparently, with those who've suffered from trauma. Perhaps this holiday season we could begin to practice it. Guaranteed there's an enormous need for us to learn how.
Editor's Note: That's not John's ear, btw.
